The perception of sexual prowess in our society is typically idolized in a one-dimensional aspect, power. Power often unwires our sexual encounters and powerful partners are idolized and coveted, they create this idea of a “Sex God”.

Often perceived as desirable men, with specific body features like a strong jaw, muscular physique and most likely well “endowed” or women with an hourglass shape, pouted lips and sultry eyes. But that perception stigmatizes a vast majority of people having sex. So to better understand what makes us great lovers, it’s more important to look at the aspects that make sex memorable and worth having.

When we define our ideal partners and the concept of a “Sex God”, it’s also important to understand why we’re having sex in the first place. In approaching this topic it’s also important not to look at this from the perspective of any one gender, the advice is universal in its approach to one our most primal acts, Sex.

Consent, it seems pretty straightforward: participants are conscience, agreeing adults who indicated they want to have sex. Unions, like marriage can sometime blur the line of what is considered consent to some people, these people hold no sanctity in the trust they violate with their partners consent in the name of “life bonds”. Through-out society there persists the need to publicize this simple concept of the sex. The idea of Power in sex, fuels the “Rape Culture” that plagues society. How else are we to explain why people seem to find it acceptable to violate the bodies of others for sexual release? Sure, you could make the argument that it’s systemic, reinforced by media and by cases like the Stanford Rapist: Brock Turner. But what underlies here is the perception of dominance and the social acceptance in ideal social figures. Consent becomes second to power and perpetuates the acceptance of rape in our society. So the first step to be a great lover is to gain consent from your partner before starting the “Act”.

Mindset when approaching sex is very important, sex shouldn’t be a chore but it doesn’t necessarily need to be about love. Calm your conservative pants! And read. Yes, there is a special magic in sex between to loving people locked in marriage, but is your sex life great? Is it bubbling over with lust and emotion? No? So don’t judge people who use sex for those feelings. At one time in your life, those feelings are exactly what you sought in “making love”. I’d also refer you to the previous paragraph about consent, before I’ll hear your criticisms, sex is voluntary. When we approach sex with a healthy mindset, we approach it by understanding what we want from sex: are you trying to get off? Are you trying to express your love for your partner? Are you trying to make a new human? These mindsets are important but they also vary between the people having sex. In order to have a fulfilling experience it’s important to be on the same wavelength. Sure, the intent may be different, but when the mindset differs too much, you set up for a disappointing experience or worse, shameful regret afterward.

Trusting your sexual partner is paramount. It’s the most important factor when you think about it. We form our consent around a perceived level of trust for our partner. In today’s sex culture, the concept of trust is often under emphasized. App based hook-up culture, makes finding willing sexual partners far easier than in the past, but to what degree? That ultimately depends on you, personally I find it easy to have sex with new people, but that stems from self-confident and an understanding mindset of what I want from having sex. For other people that may be difficult, because sex makes them vulnerable. In order to be great at having sex, these following paragraphs break down what really makes a “Sex God”.

Understanding. From personal experience, when I started my own sexual journey I was concerned about hurting my partner and not being good at sex. So how did I combat this? NOT BY COPYING PORN. Porn is fake, staged and unfortunately the standard in which a lot of first-timers try to emulate in their sexual experiences. However, if you understand what you’re doing, you can become a great sexual partner. I learned, by researching from the perspective of my potential partners. Reading about how people in their position explored sexual encounters gave me a sense of confidence, understanding, as well as a couple great tips lol. Regardless of your sexual position and attraction, it’s important to look into what you’re doing and how your body meshes with your potential partner’s. This way you develop a deeper understanding and hopefully a deeper appreciation for your partner and sex in general. Not to mention, new ways to “wow” them in the sheets.

Communication is key. Sex has a lot of innate cues, but actually communicating our preferences, desires and how we feel: both positive and corrective, lets us learn to become better sexual partners. When we fail to communicate during sex, it becomes more of a chore, less intimate and less satisfying overall. In learning to communicate our sexual desires and feelings, we build trust with our partners and gain some self-confidence in our bodies and our ability to have great sex.

Self Confidence is what makes great sex, hands down. No one likes a starfish. And without some sort of sexual understanding, self-confidence becomes a daunting trait to possess. So how do we attain this mystical sexual confidence? It begins with a combination of trust for our partners, to whatever degree you, personally, find comfortable. As well as an understanding in what we are doing, and a confidence in our bodies. This confidence in our bodies is where we blow past those ideas of what makes someone a “Sex God”. Ultimately, breaking down our stigma with our own bodies is what makes great sex. Connecting to your body takes time, and the best way to do so, is exploring what you like. Exploring our sexual identities and our bodies allows us a deeper understanding of what we want out of sex, and how to communicate that to our partners.

So once we gain consent, enter with an equal mindset, understand our partner’s desire, communicate our preferences and embody a sense of self-confidence, we can become that idolized “Sex God”. Regardless of our bodies and how they compare to the traditional idea of desirable, we can attain that next level of sexual prowess in our relationships that make us irresistible.

agriculture ai artificial-intelligence books business capitalism christianity climate climate-change consciousness culture economics economy environment faith farming finance food god health history intimacy life love mental-health mindfulness money news philosophy physics politics quantum-physics race racism relationships science sex sexuality society spirituality sustainability sustainable-agriculture technology war writing